Time-In Parenting, Time-In Management

Let me begin by saying that I am blessed to have two beautiful, kind, smart, fun, resourceful and loving children. Ninety-six percent of the time (I have detailed daily logs to support this figure), my children are a joy to be around. But, let's face it, there are those occasions when my children, like all children, become irritable, rude, upset and angry. Not surprisingly, it is on these same occasions that their Dad also becomes irritable, rude, upset and angry. The result is a vicious cycle that ends up with all of us throwing tantrums and being "timed out".

Last year, my wife brought home a book called Time-In Parenting by Dr. Otto Weininger that dramatically changed the way in which our family deals with emotional outbursts and misbehaviour. At its core, Time-In Parenting takes issue with the common advice given to parents to send their children for a "time out" when emotions build up and lead to misbehaviour. The prevalent practice of “timing out” children, argues Dr. Weininger, sends them the absolutely wrong message; namely, that they are unacceptable to their parents when they are experiencing strong emotions and that they need to cope with their anger and emotions on their own.

Instead, Time-In Parenting calls for parents to "time-in" with their kids during these emotional moments and say, "I am here for you". While this may seem obvious and trite it is, in fact, quite profound. Offering children support and empathy when they are troubled let’s them know that their parents believe in them and their ability to manage through their troubles. It also, from my own personal experience, creates an extremely strong emotional attachment between parent and child. Holding your child’s hand or squeezing them close when they are experiencing strong negative emotions let’s your child know that you will be there for them in times of crisis. And isn’t that what parenting is all about?

I was having lunch yesterday in Des Moines, Iowa (don’t ask) with a key prospect who also has two children. We were discussing Time-In Parenting when it dawned on us that the fundamental principle of “timing-in” applies equally as well to business management. Too often business managers “time out” their staff by sending them away to “fix the problem” or “deal with the issue” on their own. However, what if these same managers would “time-in” with their employees? What if they would communicate to their staff that “I am here for you” and let them know that their boss will always support them in times of crisis? How powerful and motivating would that be? And, after all, isn’t that what good management is all about?